Emotional Consequences of Sex
Sex. Everywhere you
turn, you hear the word. Story lines on television and movies
are filled with stories of one-night stands, pleasurable
affairs, and the “great fun” of sleeping around. On the
surface, it would seem that sex is just a carefree, harmless
activity with no long-term consequences—much like going to the
mall or playing football with your friends. It’s true, every
once and a while you will see an “After School Special” or a
“Lifetime” movie about a guy or a girl who is dealing with the
physical consequences of pre-marital sex, like pregnancy or an
STD. But that is just one part of the story. You see, what so
many of these movies and television shows don’t talk about are
the emotional consequences of sex.
You can ask almost anyone about “safe sex,” and they will hand you a condom. They say it will prevent pregnancy and protect you against STD’s. While condoms make work some of the time, and may protect you against some STD’s, there is no protection for your heart. No piece of rubber—or any other kind of contraceptive device—can protect your heart from the hurt that sex outside of marriage can bring. You may be saying to yourself right now, “But I love my boyfriend (or girlfriend) and he/she loves me! I’m not going to get hurt.” Well, stop and think with me for a moment about what makes sex so great. Sure, it feels good, but there are a lot of other things that feel great too—a long shower after mowing the yard in the middle of summer, a shoulder massage when you’ve been studying all day, or finally crawling into bed after a long, exhausting day on your feet. All of those things feel great, but you don’t see our world saturated with promotions of those activities! Knowing that, there must be something more that makes sex so great, wouldn’t you think? Well, what we are talking about is just it—the emotional aspect of sex is what makes it so distinctively unique from any other activities.
There is an ultimate design for sex, and that is sex between one man and one woman, inside of marriage. Inside this design, the emotional aspect of sex allows the couple to flourish. The husband and wife truly become one. They share a union that no one else in the world will ever share with them. This is the beauty of sex. However, when sex occurs outside of marriage, this is when the emotional aspect of it can be devastating to both people involved. The emotional consequences of sex outside of marriage can damage one’s ability to lead a happy and productive life. Think it sounds like I am exaggerating? Take a look at some of the emotional consequences of pre-marital sex, and see for yourself if I am stretching the truth:
1. Worry about pregnancy and STD’s—No one wants to be a “worry wart,” but for teens who are sexually active, there is the constant fear that they (or their girlfriend) will get pregnant. There is also the lurking danger of STD’s. When multiple partners are involved, the risk of contracting one of these diseases greatly rises. If you are remaining abstinent, you are free from the nagging fears of pregnancy and STD’s.
2. Regret—After having sex, many people realize that it did not bring them the satisfaction and sense of belonging they thought it would bring. Inside of marriage, sex will bring satisfaction and fulfillment—that is its ultimate design. However, outside of marriage, sex will only leave feelings of vulnerability and dissatisfaction. Virginity is something that can only be given away once, and because of this, many people feel a great sense of loss and regret when they have sex outside of marriage.
3. Loss of Self-Respect and Self-Esteem—This is a big one for girls, but it can affect guys, too. Sex before marriage can cause a dramatic loss of self-respect. As one young woman, who came to LifeChoices for STD testing said, “Sex is not worth losing your self-respect over. It is very addictive and insufficient if you are not married.” Take it from someone who has been there. It is NOT worth it.
4. Guilt—Guilt is a healthy, normal reaction to the conscience when one has done something morally wrong. It is a particular form of regret. Many times, teens also feel guilt from having to hide their sexual activity from their parents. There is often a lot of sneaking around and lying, which compounds the guilt factor.
5. Loss of Trust and Fear of Abandonment—The heartbreak of an ended relationship is hard enough to deal with. That pain in separation is only compounded when sexual relations are involved. Because sex connects two people in a way that is not of this world, there are heartstrings attached that are not meant to be severed. A break-up undoubtedly severs these ties, which can result in weeks, months, or even years of pain. Only by saving oneself for a committed marriage can there be assurance that this emotional pain of separation will not occur.
6. Depression and Suicide—A recent article appeared in USA Today, noting the significant link between premarital sex and depression among young girls. This article reported that “a full 25% of sexually active girls (ages 14-17) felt depressed a lot or all of the time in the past week, compared with 7.7% of virgins. More than 14% of sexually active girls had attempted suicide in the previous year, compared with 5.1% of their non-sexually active peers.” (USA Today, Sexually Active Girls’ Lament: Why Didn’t I Wait?, June 11, 2003.) The numbers speak for themselves. While many people will be quick to say “Don’t have sex, you may get pregnant,” not many will tell you “If you have sex, you may get your heart broken.”
7. Ruined Relationships—More often than not, sex outside of marriage can turn a good relationship bad. Other areas of the relationship stop developing, and before the couple knows it, their entire relationship is based solely on sex. What had once been a caring relationship is now a selfish, personal needs-based convenience. In marriage, there is the assurance that all areas of the relationship can grow—not just the physical part.
It is obvious from looking at these 7 emotional consequences that sex is not something to be taken lightly. There are a lot of people who deeply regret their sexual involvement before marriage. However, I have never met anyone who regretted his or her decision to save sex for marriage. There is nothing wrong with protecting your heart by remaining abstinent until marriage. In fact, it is a great way to ensure that you enter your marriage free of emotional baggage from pre-marital sex. What better gift to give your spouse than the promise of your eternal love and faithfulness—in the past, present and future!
If you've been sexually active and are suffering some of these emotional consequences, it's not too late. Click here for more info on starting over!
If you HAVE waited so far, good for you! You're not alone (although it may feel like it sometimes), so keep hanging in there! Click here for more info on waiting.