confidential questions
Sometimes asking someone who cares about sex, abstinence or any
of the other issues with being a teenager is easier said than
done. If you have a question you'd like to confidentially
ask someone, click
here to send an email. Your question will be answered
personally by someone who is knowledgeable and who cares about
the sensitive subject matter.
Here's some questions that others have asked that might be helpful to you:
Question: How do i know if i am bisexual i mean i like some girls well think they are pretty and i would kiss them and i have tons of boyfriends i felt like this since i was young so am i bisexual and if so is it anything to tell my parents???
Answer: Wow…what a heavy issue you are dealing with. I’d like to first applaud you for taking the time to do your homework as you seek out understanding of your feelings. Sexuality is a beautiful gift, and it is quite healthy to have questions, especially in a society that sends so many mixed messages.
How do you know if you’re bisexual? Well…let’s back up and discuss a couple of other issues before we deal with that question. You mentioned that you have feelings toward other girls that you have been around (feelings of attraction, even possibly urges to have physical intimacy with them). Something that we must first consider is the fact that all of us have feelings, emotions that we are dealing with (especially girls!). Especially during the teenage years, our hormones are roller coastering all over the charts. Sometimes it’s difficult to determine how we feel! Have you ever been there…something hits you and you don’t know whether to laugh or cry, to be mad or happy? Sometimes our emotions betray us. You know what I’m talking about…the feeling that you hate your parents because they’re driving you crazy, although you know you really love them deep down. It doesn’t mean you hate your parents…it means they’re driving you nuts (a common problem between parents and teens! J) The feeling that everybody is looking at you and talking about you behind your back, even though they really aren’t (and you’re just PMSing?). It doesn’t mean everybody hates you…it means you’re having a grumpy day. We all have feelings like that. And sometimes we have feelings of attraction to other people (opposite or same sex), but that doesn’t mean that we’re gay or bisexual.
A lot of teens experiment with their sexuality because they have feelings like this. The problem is, however, that you can’t base your decisions on your feelings, because they can often betray you. Just because I am frustrated with school and feel like my teachers hate me doesn’t mean that I should drop out…my future is on the line…I should stick it out and try to make the best of a tough situation! Just because I feel like crawling back in bed and dying because I had a horrible day yesterday doesn’t mean I should kill myself…I should probably take a nap or do something relaxing to help calm my nerves. Just because you feel like you have attraction to other girls doesn’t mean that you are bisexual. It’s very common to think another person of the same sex is attractive, but that doesn’t mean that I’m ATTRACTED TO that person. It’s like the married girl who loves her husband and her children, but finds another guy attractive…the other guy can be attractive to the married woman, but it doesn’t mean she should leave her husband and kids to go out with him.
Does this make sense?
Feelings are natural, and it’s a good thing to be in tune with them. But don’t let your feelings betray you. I would encourage you to talk to your parents or another trusted adult about what you’re feeling, and ask them to help you sort through the stuff you’re dealing with BEFORE you make any decisions about who you think you are. Don’t be too quick to “label yourself” something society says that you must be if you have those feelings. That’s simply untrue, and I am proud of you for asking questions first. The teen years are tough, and you’re dealing with some serious questions. Don’t try to go it alone…we ALL need people to help us along with this stuff. I know I sure do! If you’re interested, we have lots of great people all over the place who are trying to help teens like you deal with these important issues. If you’d like, you can tell me what city you live in, and I’ll get you a list of names and numbers of very cool people who you can call whenever you want to talk. Let me know what you think.
I hope this answers your question, and if not, please don’t hesitate to write me back! I’d love to be here for you as you seek out answers to your very important questions!
Question: can you get pregnent from haveing sex once?? and how do you know when its the right time to have sex??
Answer: More great questions! Can you get pregnant by having sex one time? YES! If you are ovulating and you have sex, you can get pregnant (and many girls do – one teenage girl every 6 seconds gets pregnant in this country!). Pregnancy is a huge risk when having pre-marital sex. If you’re not ready to be a mom, it’s probably a smart choice to not be having sex.
How do you know when you’re ready to have sex? It is my belief that marriage is the only right time, right relationship situation for sex. The reason I say that is that any sex outside of marriage is risky – you’re at risk for STDs, Pregnancy and all sorts of other turmoil (broken heart, etc). Sex is the most intimate union that exists. It is something that is precious and ought not be shared with just anybody. DON’T YOU DESERVE THE BEST? I think so! So, my advice is to wait for the BEST SEX, which happens in marriage. Just think about it…you don’t have to worry about STDs; you don’t have to worry about pregnancy (because it would be a blessing at that time in your life!), and you don’t have to worry about all emotional baggage (he WILL be there when you wake up, and you KNOW he loves you because he’s committed his whole life to you!). Why would you want to settle for sex in the back of some guy’s car or in their house while their parents are gone (or at least you hope they are!) and having to worry about STDs, pregnancy and all the other junk when you could have the BEST sex by waiting for the guy that really loves you? When you’re married, you can have sex as much as you want with NO worries! That sounds like the better deal to me.
You really have to ask yourself…is a short time of pleasure really worth all the risks? My response? No way! You’re worth waiting for! And don’t let anyone tell you different!
Question: how old do you have to be to buy condomes?
Answer: How old do you have to be? To my knowledge, there are no age restrictions on condom purchasing.
BUT BEWARE! In this country, there are tons of people (including MTV and the “Trojan Man”) who tell you that condoms will make sex safe, but check this out…Condoms provide virtually NO protection against Human Papillomavirus (aka: HPV or genital warts), which is the most common STD in the world – it causes warts in men and women and cervical cancer in women. Condoms provide only 50% protection against Chlamydia and Gonorrhea, which, if left untreated, can cause pelvic inflammatory disease and life-threatening tubal pregnancies. Condoms only reduce the risk of contracting Genital Herpes by around half. Herpes is incurable, and causes very painful sores that recur over a lifetime. Condoms only reduce the risk of HIV infection by about 85%. HIV/AIDS has killed nearly half a million Americans, and that number is growing!!
STDs are serious, and condoms don’t eliminate your risk. Abstinence from sexual activity – including oral sex – and lifetime faithfulness to your husband are the only 100% effective ways to avoid STDs. Are you willing to trust the “luck of the draw” (condoms) with your future? Your life is worth entirely too much for all of that! Don’t risk it. Wait for marriage, and have GREAT, risk-free sex!
Question: I have a friend and she had sex once then she had sex again about 4 times with this person how can she stop? How can I help her? Plz help me..
Answer: Thank you so much for your question. I think it’s awesome that you care about your friend and her sexual choices. As you know, having sex makes an enormous impact on a person (physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually!), and it’s obvious that your friend doesn’t realize the kind of impact her choice can make on her. The problem here is that YOU can’t make her stop (it stinks, I know!). She has to choose to. You CAN, however, have a great impact on her as she goes about making this huge decision.
The first thing I would encourage you to do is try to understand why your friend is making these choices. Does she have low self-esteem? Is she looking for someone (ANYONE) to love her? Does she have a poor relationship with her family members? Is she trying to fit in? Does she think she loves this boy? Is she going through a rough time in her life? Being an understanding friend will make all the difference in whether or not your friend hears you as you try to talk to her. We see this situation a lot here at LifeChoices. Oftentimes when a person has sex one time (whether he/she wanted to or not), he/she feels that since he/she is not a virgin anymore, he/she might as well go ahead and have all the sex he/she wants. The truth is, however, that the greater number of sex partners a person has, the higher the risk is that he/she will get an STD or get pregnant (not to mention all of the emotional consequences!). But your friend needs to know that she CAN start over.
The second thing I would do is talk to her! Ask her what’s going on, why is she doing this? Tell her you care about her and are concerned for her. Tell her about the risks that are involved and how she deserves to have a wonderful life withOUT all the turmoil that pre-marital sex often causes. Talk to her about secondary virginity (it’s her choice…she can start over with a clean slate and commit to not having sex until marriage). Tell her that since she’s been having sex (especially with more than one partner), she really needs to get tested for STDs. LifeChoices offers free and completely confidential STD testing. She can call our hotline (624-8030) 24-hours a day and get answers to her questions and/or schedule an appointment with one of our nurses (her parents wouldn’t even have to know).
The third thing I would do is LOVE HER!! Don’t give up on her, even if she doesn’t receive your message right away. People have to make their own choices, and unfortunately, those choices sometimes hurt them. We, as good friends, have to stay by their side, offer good advice and then love them (even when they’re wrong)!
I am so proud of your choice to care about your friend and hope that you will make great choices in your life as well. If there’s anything else I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to email me any time!
Question: i have a good one lol ok can you find love over the internet??? and if so can it be real if teh guy lives like in a totaly different state then you and can it last? but he does come to see you like 2 a year or 3 times a year
Answer: Can you find love over the internet? Hmmm…well…yes and no. Yes, I think it’s possible to find someone over the internet that you CAN love. However, I think that love is something that grows between two people over time spent together. I don’t think you “fall in love”…you fall in lust…but not love so much. Love is a choice, it’s not just that mushy gushy feeling you get when you’re around someone. Love takes time and attention to build.
So…yes…and…no. If that makes any sense.
Question: *is it against god well like that you wont go to heaven if you have sex before marrige? *does sex really hurt?like thru the whole time or no? *how can i overcome how i hate teh way i look when i look in the mirror i look so fat how can i become more self confident??
Answer: Is it against God to have pre-marital sex? Yes. God calls us to wait until marriage for sex so that we can share the special gift with only one other person without any of the unwanted consequences. God designed sex (weird, I know), and He wants us to have the BEST SEX EVER! And that happens in marriage.
Will you go to hell? That’s another question entirely. Heaven and hell have everything to do with a person’s relationship with Christ. The amazing thing about God is that He doesn’t call us to be perfect – He knows we won’t be (I’m sure not!). Because God knew that we would sin, He sent His son, Jesus, to die on the cross for us…HE paid for our sin so that we don’t have to. So, if a person has accepted Christ into his/her heart and has a real relationship with Him, he/she would NOT go to hell if he/she had pre-marital sex. HOWEVER, the book of Romans talks over and over about this issue. The Roman author asks the questions, “Shall we go on sinning that grace may increase? BY NO MEANS! We died to sin, how can we live in it any longer?” In essence, he is saying that if you have died to sin (been saved), then why would you WANT to go against the will of God? God only wants the best for us. Any time we do something outside of his will, we are settling for less than HIS best for us, and thus miss out on the blessings that He wants to give us.
So…in short…God does not want us to have pre-marital sex, and my advice is don’t.
Does sex really hurt? There is often some discomfort during the first few times a woman has intercourse. Does it HURT?? You won’t die or anything. But it is likely to be uncomfortable for a while. Every girl is a little different, and every guy is a little different. But essentially what’s happening is that the woman’s vagina is being stretched out. And that can be a little uncomfortable. But slowly as a person’s vagina stretches, the pain will ease.
Self-confidence? First things first…God made you just the way you are, and you are BEAUTIFUL. No matter how a girl looks, she is bound to find flaws when looking in the mirror. There will always be a few pounds here or there that we want to lose, or some other physical feature that just drives us nuts about ourselves. When it comes to the physical looks…we each have to do the best we can to make what we’ve got the most beautiful it can be. That does NOT mean obsessing about our looks. It means paying due time and attention to looking our personal best. None of us will ever look like the models on magazine covers that are air-brushed and perfect (even THEY don’t look like that in the morning before the hair and makeup happen – not to mention all the lighting and computer graphic enhancing). Take time to choose clothing that compliments your figure – tight and skimpy looks good on almost nobody (and most guys are only interested in drooling over girls who dress that way, not having relationships with them). How you dress communicates who you are on the inside, which is what is most important. If you want to be treated with respect, then dress and act like you deserve it. You can be adorable without being “for sale,” if you know what I mean!? The most important thing you can do in this area is pay plenty of time and attention to your inward appearance. Beauty on the inside is what makes a woman truly beautiful. When you spend time “dressing up” your inward appearance, you will find that your confidence comes from within. And that’s what really counts.
Question: i know i ask alot of questions its jus my parents i cant ask about this stuff im sorry i jus am lost and need to know answers ok well here is my question for today. OK say you love this guy and wanna marry him in the future and want him to be your first and well he is gonna get me a an engagment ring when he comes down to see me and i love him alot so shold i have sex if i wnat him to be my first??and if i am engaged to him?but i am only turnnin 16?? please help me
Answer: You should have sex when you are married. That’s when you KNOW this guy truly loves you, because he is committed to you and you ALONE for life! There are a hundred bazillion things that can happen while people are dating or even engaged. A ring does not guarantee that two people will get married.
If you love this guy so much, and it sounds like you definitely care for him. If you want to know if he really loves you, and you want him to be your first and only…then ask him to wait for you as you wait for him. If he really loves you, he WILL wait. And if he won’t wait…then that tells you that he really doesn’t love you.
The fact that you’re only sixteen is a bit concerning to me. I have no doubt that you have genuine feelings for this guy, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to marry him. From the sounds of your emails, you’re asking that same question. Remember this…THE RIGHT THING AT THE WRONG TIME IS STILL THE WRONG THING. If you’re not at a stage in your life where you’re ready to settle down and be married, then maybe it’s a good decision to put this relationship on hold until you ARE ready. And if he doesn’t stick around that long, then maybe he wasn’t right for you to begin with?
You’re dealing with a lot of tough issues, no doubt! Don’t be in a rush with this, or any other guy. The right guy will come along when the time is right. And if it’s NOT right, then don’t settle! You deserve the best! You ARE WORTH WAITING FOR! Believe it!
Question: how do you know when love is real?? and when he means what he says??when he says he loves you and weants to marry you and has the ring to prove that he is gonna propose?
Answer: Love is real when love has been tested and proves that it is real. Words mean very little in this area. They are good, but they are not all there is. A person that really loves you shows it in the ways he treats you. My best advice is to NOT RUSH. Take plenty of time to test this love and see if it is real. Infatuation “feels” really real…but in the long haul, it fails. Infatuation is based on things like the outward appearance, or what you can do FOR a person. Real love is there even when you’re NOT looking your best or being easy to live with. Real love STAYS, even when it is hard to stay. Real love GIVES, even when it does not feel like giving. Real love WAITS, even when waiting is hard. Real love is unconditional! Not “I love you if you…”, but instead “I love you.” (PERIOD!).
A ring doesn’t mean too much…it’s just metal and stones. It’s the love behind that ring that means something. Wal-Mart has rings….but they don’t mean anything unless given by a person whose intentions and motives are pure, whose heart is sold-out to the recipient of the ring. It seems as though this guy really does care for you – and that’s GREAT! But real love isn’t in a big fat rush. If he loves you, he will wait until you’re ready.